There once was a time I considered donning an orange, or equally offensive, colored jumpsuit and wreak havoc upon the uptight denizens of the District of Columbia. Stevil was the impetus voor this. I never rocked the jumpsuit, but I did wreak some havoc voor awhile.

But I digress. Swobo’s second installment of their Movers and Makers series awaits…

Movers and Makers Vol. 2 Stevil Kinevil from Swobo on Vimeo.

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Pretty much the best race coverage on the net ATMO. Manual for Speed did Paris-Roubaix in their inimitable style. They broke it into 3 distinct parts including the night before Garmin shots.

Also, #COBBLEGOBBLERS and #CHILLEURS.

OGSPRTRP: Official Garmin-Sharp Paris-Roubaix Team Roster Portraits

Paris-Roubaix 1/3: Compiègne

Paris-Roubaix 2/3: 257KM

Paris-Roubaix 3/3: Roubaix

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I’m a fan of pants. More specifically, I’m a fan of pants specifically designed voor bike life. Can you wear any type of pants when riding a bike? Sure. But, if you ever give a pair of commuter jeans/pants/shorts a try, you’ll never ride without pants. Unless you want to.

The Showers Pass Rogue Pant ($99USD) falls under the heading of specifically designed voor bike life. What they say:

“Rebelliously functional. The Rouge Pant is a streetwise and bike friendly pant, built for all day comfort. Made with a water resistant stretch fabric, and treated with a DWR finish the Rogue is perfect for commutes in light rain. Subtle reflective accents like a roll up reflective pant leg keep you visible at night.  A hidden pant hem cinch keeps pant legs away from greasy bike parts.”

Follow along on on Twitter/Instagram/Facebook/Flickr as I test Showers Pass Rogue Pant.
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Despite the horrific Muur-ectomy, de Ronde van Vlaanderen somehow manages to produce a race. I guess monuments have a way of bringing out the best of those racing. As much as I hate the “riders make the race” saying, it definitely was the case in this edition. However, compared to the awesome might and spectacle of the de Muur-Kapelmuur, the current parcours is more a limp handshake than an angry Leeuw van Vlaanderen met raised clenched fist met lightning symbols shooting out of it.

Speaking of awesome might and spectacle, IT’S TIME VOOR GIFS.
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Ahhh, de Ronde. So many goed memories have been born on de kasseien of Vlaanderen. Remember that one time when I fell on de Koppenberg and almost got my foot run over? Talk about a sticky situation!

Alright, I know I’ve been bitching about the previous Classics, semi-Classics, half-Classics, and the midweek Royales. Only a finite amount of platitudes exist to be slathered upon the undeserving. And by the undeserving, I mean de not-Rondes.

Holy Week awaits and it beginnen in Brugge.
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I don’t always post press releases verbatim but when I do it’s gotta be important enough for rule breaking. I’m just stoked/relieved I ordered a bunch of jeans before they made the switch. Read why below.

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE:

swrve, the urban apparel company widely credited with creating the world’s first cycling specific jeans, is leaving the market they helped create to focus their energies on a soon-to-be emerging category.
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The Reverse Kemmel & Ballistic Bidons

Excuse me for a moment… (turns out pocket, dumps out messenger bags) Sorry everyone, I seem to have lost all my fux to give about Gent-Wevelgem. Alright, it’s not that bad. Last few jaars have been decent. But, aside from a few sparse moments I can’t really remember any historic moments.
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“No matter how old you are feel look…”

“Achieve great things despite the years”

“Master’s Champion shocks field half his age”

“An old man enters a bike race, what happens next…”

For some reason, I had no idea Milan-San Remo 2014 Winnar, Alexander Kristoff, was a young’n. I thought he was a few heartbeats away from Pappy Horner. MSR is terrible for your complexion. If you’re ever in a spa, NEVER get the Sanremo facial.

Alright, let’s take a look at the profile.

Note: In a perfect world, the “R” in RACING on the graphic above would start at the base of the Cipressa. So yeah, not to scale. If you’re paying attention, this scenario was covered in my MSR Ras Prep.

Let us pray—Merciful Merckx, GIF US NOW OUR WEEKLY RECAP!!
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Long Classic is Long

This is not my favorite race. Sorry. It’s an unnecessarily long drag that’s been pimped and altered and added to in order to make it more interesting yet still nothing happens until 95% of the course has finished—the quintessential Italian race. Once the peloton pulls the “PIANO” plug out of their collective asses and they actually race up and down the Poggio, any heroic gains are anesthetized by yet another unnecessarily long drag to the finish.

OMFG, that was fun.
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File under: shit I missed the first time. Fix It Sticks take a refreshing approach to the tired folding bike tool market. Word is they get the job done.

If you’re interested, they’re in the midst of yet another wildly successful Kickstarter project.

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