“I may not be entirely professional, but it’s something I’m a pro at.” Cycleboredom: The 30 Second Elevator Pitch Cycleboredom is dedicated to the life and culture surrounding bikes. The boredom moniker originates from a desire to do things myself and do them in a way deviating from the status quo. I’m essentially broadcasting my bike life through an intense and multifaceted social media campaign supported by creatively driven original content, dynamic reviews, and carefully selected posts all presented in a visually intriguing package. Obviously, I’ve formed views and opinions during my industry tenure. It’s here that I force my views and opinions upon you through my various personas. [Note: Each persona is equipped with their own individual voices and outrageous accents.] The Twitter Rouleur/Cycling Pontificator The one persona to rule them all. The TR/CP tweets hard, and he tweets fast. And sometimes he tweets loosely. He is an amalgamation of everything included below. As a leader in the fields of: snark-laden live race tweeting, steez-capturing, #hashtagdoping, and tearing apart the world of pro-cycling; it’s you, the inevitable follower, that must decide if you can hold on for the ride of your life. The Roadie As opinionated as his legs are shorn, The Roadie lives and dies by The Rules. Before even attempting to address The Roadie, one must be well versed in The Rules. The Product Whore If the product is the latest/greatest, The Product Whore will sleep with it and tell his friends the next day. Many times he’ll live-Tweet the randy encounter complete with images of lurid transgressions. The Semi-Advocate No one tackles the tough advocacy issues like The Semi-Advocate. A forceful retweet, a snarky comment, or a thoroughly engaging Facebook discussion are his weapons of battle. He really intends to attend local bicycle advisory committee meetings, but… The Aging Fixie Rider He rode track bikes before they were called fixies, and the only tricks he did were ridin’ fast, skidz, and blowin’ stop lights. These days he uses a brake to save his rapidly deteriorating knees, and loathes the ungainly styles of FGFS. The Car-Free Lite Dad Perhaps the most important persona is The Car-Free Dad. By carting around The Bug and carrying organic, free-range groceries in my recycled Whole Foods bag while maintaining a razor’s edge self-righteous attitude, I’m effectively saving the world. The Designer/Coffee Snob Design and coffee are cycling’s ever-present bedmates in the world of The Designer/Coffee Snob. Whether it’s agonizing over a t-shirt design font choice, or lamenting the bitterness of the shots in his post-epic-Hains-Point-ride doppio, you can be sure he’ll fill your Twitter stream with 140 character blasts of his 1st-world problems. The small print I’ve got quite a mouth when I type, so it goes without saying that the opinions and statements posted on this site are mine alone and don’t necessarily reflect the views, positions, or opinions of my employer. But it goes without saying that it should be said regardless (now THAT’S a sentence!). In addition, I may from time to time disperse information that I’ve gathered from trusted, respected sources. Some of this may be nutritional, mechanical, or physical in nature. I am not an expert, and I am not responsible for any accident, injury, sickness, hospitalization, or (good god) death resulting from you people acting upon what I write here without consulting your physician, bike mechanic, yoga instructor, or tarot card reader beforehand.