According to Laurent ‘Le Professeur’ Fignon this was the collaborative effort of both he and his directeur sportif Cyrille Guimard. While I see the transformative genius behind the work, there had to be someone that thought it was a bad idea. But as Fignon revealed in his autobiography, he was proud of it. So I’m guessing that if you’re trying to keep your job on the team, you don’t cross épées w/ the star and the directeur.

It should be noted, however, that Laurent also had a hand in the design of the fabulous and legendary Système U kit. That, in and of itself, should absolve the bespectacled Frenchman of his impending detestable creation. You decide.

Castorama Legend: Laurent Fignon

While his best years weren’t with the French DIY shop sponsored team (’90-’92), Fignon was still their most famous member. I have nothing but admiration for ‘Le Professeur’, as he was affectionately known, so no snaark here. But, for our next legend…

Castorama Legend: Bjarne Riis

Ahhh, Mr. Future 60% Percent. Before his infamous blood-boosted reign at Gewiss-Ballan and Team Telekom, he spent a few formative years at Castorama as Fignon’s faithful strongman (’89-’91).

Castorama Legend: Jacky Durand

The masterful breakaway artist, Dudu gave Castorama their biggest win, bar none. Winning the ’92 Ronde Van Vlaadaren in his traditional “Tete de la Course” style solidified him as a naturalized Belgian. But, Jacky also donned the infamous doo-rag. For proper name-referencing Frenchnicity, we’ll call it a Du-rag. The Du-Rag tickles the taint between pro and, well, not. But, it’s Jacky, so we overlooked it. Our leniency may be in part that his usage corresponded with the only human being capable of turning the hated head wrap into a PRO force for good: Marco ‘Il Pirata’ Pantani. And that was only because he was a pirate.

Castorama Legend: Laurent Brochard

Perhaps the most visually egregious of all the Castorma suspects is Laurent Brochard (’92-94). Before he became the ’07 road champ, or embroiled in the Festina affair, he and his sentient Euro-mullet posed for THAT shot. ‘Nuff said.

The Cycleboredom/Castorama Remix Shirt

Definitely won’t put a dent in your Tour-winning réputation.

Like it? Make it yours: US Store / UK Store

Image credits: Cyclingnews, CyclingArchives, Gentside, Velopaint, and Cyclingnews again.

Parting Shot

ONCE Legend: Manolo Saíz

Unfortunately, or fortunately in my case, this team most known for it’s irrepressible directeur sportif, Manolo Saíz. Notorious for fielding teams of dopers as he was for yelling, “VENGA, VENGA, VENGA!” at his riders during time trials, the man from Torrelavega has cemented his place in annals of pro cycling (or inserted in the anal?). ONCE, a Spanish lottery for the blind, was the sponsor of the Saíz bred led team from ’89 until ’04 when Liberty Seguros took over. Amazingly, Astana is the present iteration, so doping’s in the genes.

ONCE Legend: Laurent Jalabert

There are more than a few famous ONCE riders, but by far my favorite is Ja-Ja. Laurent Jalabert fashioned his legacy while wearing the yellow and black, and sometimes pink, and early on some green… Jalabert not only won the 1995 Vuelta a España golden jersey, he scored the trifecta by also securing the climber and points classifications. French baller.

ONCE Legend: Joseba Beloki

Victim of one of the dramatic crashes in Tour history, Beloki unfortunately is remembered more for forcing Armstrong off into the fields rather than his palmarès. Moaning horrifically at the side of the road, cradled in the arms of Manolo Saíz, Beloki’s career was effectively finished. Before that moment he was truly pushing Armstrong to the edge. The preceding years saw him podium twice, 3rd in ’01 and 2nd in ’02. A troubled attempt at a post-injury comeback was derailed when he was implicated as one of the Operación Puerto boys.

The Cycleboredom/ONCE Remix Shirt

Yellow shoe-covers not included.

Note: none of the proceeds from these shirts go to any charity, because I make no proceeds. These are simply for personal amusement.

Like it? Make it yours: US Store / UK Store

Image credits: Cyclingnews.com, Volny.cz, Graham Watson

Not unlike a dog dragging its ass across the carpet, we watch in horror and amazement as Clentador lays down a medium-rare pink streak across the mountains of the 2011 Giro d’Italia. Simultaneously infuriating and breathtaking, Albuterol’s climbing display is a fiery testament to everything possible under the auspices of high-euro doping. It’s times like these that I think of purchasing t-shirts.

Giro Vai! Flag

This year, our emphatic inspirational cries of “VAI!” are reserved for those contesting the real battle for the Maglia Rosa—second place. Only CAS knows for sure.

Like it? Make it yours: US Store / UK Store

Giro Tre Vai!

Three emphatic inspirational cries of “VAI!” on three mountaintop passes signify a distinct moment in il Giro: Johnny Hoogerland on the attack, the gruppo Maglia Rosa, and the gruppetto.

Like it? Make it yours: US Store / UK Store

Giro Cima Coppi

Created to honor one of the sports greatest legends, it’s now the domain of the unknown suicidal. Attacking just after the neutral area, the nameless packmeat crests the tallest mountain in the race receiving untold fortune and glory only to finish just inside the cutoff time at the line. Except for the veiny member, Garzelli.

Like it? Make it yours: US Store / UK Store

Cycleboredom Shirt Bodega details

I use the service Spreadshirt (Euro) to print and distribute my shirt designs. This isn’t my favorite solution to getting my designs out there, but it’s the best at the moment. “I’m able to design, upload, and begin selling within hours of  the shirt’s impetus for creation.”I don’t have the room or resources (mainly money) to print these myself. Also, I don’t want to be limited to only a few designs. I like being able to react quickly to the craziness of cycling. With Spreadshirt I’m able to design, upload, and begin selling within hours of  the shirt’s impetus for creation. Additionally, I make almost zero money from selling these shirts. Since I don’t want to sacrifice on the quality of the shirt, there’s no room for a substantial commission if I want to keep the prices down.

Why two different stores? Spreadshirt.com, amazingly enough, only ships within the States. So in order to make the shirts available to the UK and Europe, I needed to create another store on their sister (brother?) site Spreadshirt.net. I’m looking into alternatives to streamline this process since this is needlessly confusing.

Made with only the finest freshly imported free-range Italian grinta harvested from the unsurfaced Strade Bianche, the Giro Shirts of Boredom are second only to sheathing yourself in the glory of the sacred Pink.

Italian Flag of Boredom shirt

A necessary addition to the Shirt Bodega, the contours of Italy’s borders famously form the shape of boot. However, when the tricolore is added to its interior, it suddenly resembles produce with a leafy green top. Not my fault.

Like it? Make it yours: US Store / UK Store

Italian E-Flag shirt

Much like its predecessor, there’s a flag in place of the “E”. If you like Italy, or Italian stuff, or riding piano for 3/4 of a stage before going ballistic, then this shirt is for you.

Like it? Make it yours: US Store / UK Store

Original logo Italian Boredom remix shirt

Favorite wearer of the Italian tricolore has to be Andrea Tafi. Blazing across the pavé with his biretta clipped at the top, Tafi exuded the hardened grinta of a legendary Classics campaigner. But that has nothing to do with the Giro.

Like it? Make it yours: US Store / UK Store

That ain’t it!

As if this wasn’t enough, I’ll be releasing several more fan-effing-stastic designs to shank your midsection and steal your lunchmoney. I’m sure I’ll think of some Tweet-tastic manner of release

Cycleboredom Shirt Bodega details

I use the service Spreadshirt (Euro) to print and distribute my shirt designs. This isn’t my favorite solution to getting my designs out there, but it’s the best at the moment. “I’m able to design, upload, and begin selling within hours of  the shirt’s impetus for creation.”I don’t have the room or resources (mainly money) to print these myself. Also, I don’t want to be limited to only a few designs. I like being able to react quickly to the craziness of cycling. With Spreadshirt I’m able to design, upload, and begin selling within hours of  the shirt’s impetus for creation. Additionally, I make almost zero money from selling these shirts. Since I don’t want to sacrifice on the quality of the shirt, there’s no room for a substantial commission if I want to keep the prices down.

Why two different stores? Spreadshirt.com, amazingly enough, only ships within the States. So in order to make the shirts available to the UK and Europe, I needed to create another store on their sister (brother?) site Spreadshirt.net. I’m looking into alternatives to streamline this process since this is needlessly confusing.

Almost as Belgian as standing screaming at riders whilst holding a sack of frites and a bottle of Jupiler on the Muur-Kapelmuur , the new Cycleboredom T-Shirts of Flanders are ready to consume. For this launch, I’ve created 3 flavors. [Note: If you purchase any of my shirts, let me know! Spreadshirt doesn't let me see who bought them. So snap a shot of yourself and tweet me if you're up to it!]

Belgian Flag of Boredom

Sometimes when I look at the outline of Belgium, it looks like an inverted West Virginia. Sorry Belgium. But that’s not what this shirt is about. This shirt recalls tourism promotion posters and postcards of yore. You know the ones that said, “Visit…” overtop an image of the country/state/hamlet. But instead of “Visit”, I used… Eh, you get the point. Remember, in Flemish Belgium, you don’t ride the kesseien, the kesseien ride you!

Like it? Make it yours: US Store / UK Store

Belgian E-Flag

If you look carefully, you’ll notice I’ve replaced the traditional letter “E” with that of the Belgian tri-color. Let’s see what happens…

Like it? Make it yours: US Store / UK Store

Original logo Belgian Boredom remix

Obligatory as a DIRK HOFMAN MOTORHOMES sign sighting in a Belgian cross race, I’ve provided a Flemish tasting version of the now world-famous Cycleboredom logo.

The Belgian national champs jersey is definitely my favorite of all the countries. Hardest colors in the peloton. They only run from the competition when they’re on a solo break into Meerbeke. Italy is a close second, but too many legends have donned the black, yellow, and red for it not to take the top step.

Like it? Make it yours: US Store / UK Store

Shirt Bodega details

I use the service Spreadshirt (Euro) to print and distribute my shirt designs. This isn’t my favorite solution to getting my designs out there, but it’s the best at the moment. “I’m able to design, upload, and begin selling within hours of  the shirt’s impetus for creation.”I don’t have the room or resources (mainly money) to print these myself. Also, I don’t want to be limited to only a few designs. I like being able to react quickly to the craziness of cycling. With Spreadshirt I’m able to design, upload, and begin selling within hours of  the shirt’s impetus for creation. Additionally, I make almost zero money from selling these shirts. Since I don’t want to sacrifice on the quality of the shirt, there’s no room for a substantial commission if I want to keep the prices down.

Why two different stores? Spreadshirt.com, amazingly enough, only ships within the States. So in order to make the shirts available to the UK and Europe, I needed to create another store on their sister (brother?) site Spreadshirt.net. I’m looking into alternatives to streamline this process since this is needlessly confusing.

So jump on it. Visit the store now!

Asterisks*

First up are my highly innovative Asterisk* designs. These joyful logo mods celebrate teams known for participating in illicit blood-altering endeavors. I released the PDM version last year (to little or no fanfare), which sported a heavily modified Cycleboredom logo. These, and the rest to come, only alter and/or add to the existing colorways.

Blockheads (not actual commentary)

Second are the bright, burning, flashes of inspiration. Or something like that. I honestly have no idea what they’re supposed to mean so I guess they should be simply taken at “face” value. Heh, that was pretty good. At first, I was looking for shots to put the logo on to point out the dopers, kinda as a badge of dishonor. Because nothing’s more dishonorable than having my logo placed on your face. Then it turned into epic classic moments in races, but not all the riders shown are dopers, or suspected dopers, or yet to be suspected. But I was feelin’ the block over the face from an aesthetic standpoint, so I kept it. It’s also a good copyright visual identification blocker thingy—not unlike a tinfoil hat.

So after some extensive masking and selecting, I extracted our heroes. Then I gave ‘em the ol’ Photoshop posterization filtereffectorator (to further disguise their identities and logos), and put the final product on some shirts.

As I’ve said about my shirts before (maybe just in my head…), I design what I want to wear. If you like them too, that’s cool. However, if you love them enough to succumb your monetary stockpile to purchase, you have exceptional taste. And by exceptional I mean debatable.

Disclaimer: These images are horrific representations of the actual product which I’ve never seen. They’re printed on American Apparel by Spreadshirt and they do a good job. Sadly most of my wardrobe is AA, but not due to owning a multitude of my own work, but because I worked at Apple.

How else do they get up those mountains?

So most of our heroes doped. Who cares! Everyone was doping then! The battles were epic. The climbers had wings. The sprinters were demons. And the rouleurs just ruled. But to keep the UCI vampires off our backs, we added an asterisk to show we don’t condone doping.

Team PDM – Ultima

This shirt celebrates the legendary Dutch PDM team who notoriously pulled out of the ’91 Tour de France with “food poisoning”. Turns out it was a rotten nutritional aid they were injected with. Oh those wacky team doctors! The riders implicated were: Eric Breukink, Nico Verhoeven, Raul Alcala, Sean Kelly and Joes Van Aert. Those are NOT small names in the world of cycling.

The shirt

Out of all the logo editions I’ve created, this is the only one that is altered to this extent. I’ve changed from Avant Garde to Helvetica to match the PDM jersey more closely. I liked the typo treatment of the PDM logo so I thought it would convey the message better if changed. The colors are as close as I can get without the vector being a sublimation on spandex. It’s not perfect, but neither were they! Available in the Cycleboredom gift shop. Although Spreadshirt displays the image strangely I’ve been assured that they print correctly.

Look at me! I’m wearing a blog tee!

Scenario: You’re at the bar/pub (for mah British homies) wearing your American Apparel made, form-fitting Cycleboredom logo tee. This girl/guy that you’ve been eyeing from across the room actually strolls up to talk to you. You’re giddy with anticipation. Your mind envisions a night of beer soaked debauchery since this person’s obviously making the first move, when they ask, “What’s a cycle-bore-dom?” Giddiness gives way to the numbing realization you’ll be spending the night alone & online catching up on the latest cycling news as you answer, “Oh, it’s a blog.” Fail. Sweet, sweet fail.

At least it’s not a browser tee.

Some info

Cycleboredom shirts are in fact generously displayed upon American Apparel hipster coverings. They are digitally printed by none other than Spreadshirt. I’d want nothing more than to screen these myself, but the cost, space, and time are incredibly prohibitive.

If for some herculean lack of foresight on your part you actually click the ‘Submit’ button after entering your credit card number and shipping address in the forms provided resulting in one of these repugnant hairshirts actually being delivered to your living place, please let me know what you think!

And yes, that is my Twitter background. I was lazy.