Pumps are pumps are pumps. Except when they’re not. Finding those that are not just pumps and that also fit your particular preferences narrows things considerably.
The Blackburn Airtower Shop Floor Pump ($110USD) seems to check off most of the boxes I’m looking for. Since I regularly deal with both Schrader and Presta valves on my bikes, I’m not a huge fan of a chuck only capable of doing one or the other without changing (cue outrage over the usual suspects). The Airtower Shop handles that with aplomb as well as some other necessary boxes, but it’ll take much more inserting and pumping to produce some results.