As always the early season seems to brew one ridiculous story after another. Although this year the stakes are much higher with the drama surrounding Armstrong and Landis. Oh, then there’s Contador with the REFC and the UCI. Plus Riccó deciding to play nursemaid to himself. And you can’t forget Landis v McQuaid v Verbruggen, and the status quo. And… well, you get the belabored point. Here’s this week’s MWBASS.

It’s pronounced, “Bitchy-Leaks”. NYVelocity is now BiciLeaks

Quite possibly the undisputed katana into the hypocritical distended belly of cycling is NY Velocity. Their graphic series As the Toto Turns continues to eviscerate any and all subjects/personalities within the cycling world. If you’re unfamiliar, you’re an idiot. Once you’ve recovered from that glove slap to your cheek, read a few and get back here pronto.

Now it seems that they’re the digital version of cycling’s confessional. In just the past few weeks we’ve been treated to such scandal pr0n as:

It goes without saying that as more of the damned feel the need to exorcise their demons, NY Velocity will again find themselves leaked upon.

Twitter: @nyvelocity

Apparently cycling and governments are crooked—who knew?
Contador and the Spanish Inquisition

Cycleboredom | Contador and the Spanish Inquisition

The Contador situation has gotten so out of hand that I’ve pretty much ignored it. But it seems that when massive amounts of money are concerned, governments get concerned making “official” judgements effectively telling all those concerned to “**** off!”

While a few opinions were voiced, and Bertie chiming in on his own behalf, unfortunately much of the peloton refused to comment on the situation. “Let’s wait and see, until all the blah, blah, blah.” Ahh, the many faces of pelotonal omerta. Hard to slag off on a multi-grand tour winner isn’t it? Why do I bring that up? Someone cue Riccó…

Ricardo Riccó, the pelotonal whipping boy

Apparently pro cyclists don’t like dopers. Actually, pro cyclists don’t like dopers who **** up. They all made that pretty effing clear after Riccó botched his transfusion attempt by injecting some of his own stale blood. Apparently doping doesn’t make you smarter. It’s also apparent that I suddenly like to use the word apparently. Anyway, a large majority of the pros that typically have nothing to say about the big fish, had plenty to say about this one. Oh, the hypocrisy.

UCI pulls the strings

Apparently I also like the word hypocrisy. Then again, if you’re writing about pro cycling and the UCI you can’t help but use the word in just about every sentence. We’re eventually going to discover that all the OutLandis (like that?) things Floyd has said about the UCI are completely true. Being able to make money off “leading” the fight against doping, as well as expertly guiding the greatest dopers in the sport is pure genius, but ironically also completely cancerous.

Although, with everything coming into light courtesy of Kimmage’s interview, it seems as though UCI Prez Pat McQuaid knows that cancer is metastasizing. Almost completely changing his previous statements re: Landis’ statements and contradicting his intention of threatening intentions letter, Pat offered up some tasty nuggets of insight in Cycling Weekly. As @NYVelocity tweeted, “Coupla shockers in here. Is Pat throwing Hein [Verbruggen] under the bus?” Yes, yes he is. Considering a large majority of the shady *ish in Floyd’s interview went down during Hein’s reign, I carefully selected a video to demonstrate his glorious technique in running the UCI:

Leftovers that didn’t fit the above nonsense

@nyvelocity: Links to their UCI/Landis post, then quickly points out the delicious timing of their lawsuit coinciding with Contador’s ridiculous clearing.

@mmmaiko: Regarding Floyd’s financial plight in light of being sued.

@Cyclocosm: Divulges his master plan for Spanish success.

@TheRaceRadio: Tags the UCI as an OCE.

@_Gavia_: Apparently this is what happens when you don’t dope enough.

It’s right about here that I officially got tired of writing this post. If you provided fantastical, amazing 140 character insight, I more than likely saw it but completely forgot. Feel free to add them in the comments. Or not.