El Pistolero v The Boss
“You know you done ****ed up, don’t you? You know it, don’t you? You know you done ***ed up.” – Detective in Menace II Society. I always think in movie quotes. Whether or not the scene parallels what I’m talking/writing about doesn’t matter – the words ring true. Contador ****ed up. Whether or not his attack ends up sealing his ultimate doom (yes! DOOOOOOM!) doesn’t matter. Lance is going to make his life a living hell. He is The Boss – Mr. Big. He’s got back deep like a baby seal (Wu-Tang!) and people prepared to help him when needed. Whatever happens, it certainly will be interesting to say the least. Unfortunately that’s not for nearly a week. Which brings me to…
Dear TDF stagery maker-uppers, WTF?!
The first block of stages before the rest day were full of spicy goodness like a Chipotle Moe’s Burrito! Well except for the last two “MOUNTAIN” stages. I’ve always felt that crossing mountains only to have the finish in the valley below to be a waste of a good mountain (unless of course Beloki is in the race!). This year we’ve had two and they came back to back! This effectively quieted all the great race intrigue of the first week and nulled the GC contest to a few futile attacks and absurdities.
Unfortunately we have to endure nearly a week of sprinting/escaping until the freaking 15th stage for any truly shattering GC changes. They decided to have two crappy eunich-style mountain stages followed by blah. Although stage 13 seems to have some balls to it considering the summit of the last climb comes relatively close to the end of the stage. That crap on stage 9 of having the summit nearly at the halfway point of the stage needs to never, ever happen again. Ever.
Leave Phil alone!
After reading several Tweets, and a bit by one of my favorite Tour posts so far by Competitive Cyclist re: Phill Ligget I just have to say – back off! Of course I have a soft-spot for him and Paul Sherwen since they’ve been the voice of the Tour for so long. It’s a comfort to hear these guys talk about cycling when you compare them to the others out there. Although it sounds like David Harmon and the loquaciously effervescent Sean Kelly are giving them a run for their Euros. No one can match the Phil and Paul show for their sayings! You can usually predict when they’re about to spout one out. You could even make a game out of it.
Phil is forgetting some riders, and miss-naming others, but there’s two things that make this a non-issue for me. One, everyone’s coverage makes mistakes. From the online text coverage to the color commentary, these people have to make quick calls on 190 riders at the start of Le Tour. And two, these 190 riders are all wearing helmets and sunglasses! Which means you have to make snap judgement calls using size, riding style, and vaguely visible attributes to dicern their identity while flying along at 30+ mph. This usually happens mid-stage when NOTHING OF IMPORTANCE HAPPENS (at least any more)! A missed call on a sprint bonus? Chill the **** out! They’ll get it to you in a minute. Very rarely is a bunch sprint miscalled and Paul usually catches it anyway. Those two got each other’s backs. Rant over.
Oh dear lord of god there are a lot of commercials. But between them comes the ****ing TOUR DAY FRANCE! You don’t see anyone else scrambling to cover our beloved spandex-fest do you? That pretty much rests my case.
Oh, and speaking of the Tour Day France Bob “Bobke” Roll is the man! How could you hate listening to a wordsmith who gives birth to phrases like: “Lance Armstrong is the eye of the hurricane and he’s headed straight for the Jan Ullrich trailer park!” Sweet, sweet genius.
Then there’s the race for 4th!
My prediction (which I already boldy Tweeted) is that the podium will have Contador, Armstrong, and Leipheimer on it, just not necessarily in that order. That Astana team is too powerful not to dominate at least the top two if not all three podium steps. The rest of the team will be in up there as well, but they’ll have to stand on that fake-yellow-jersey-brick-road-thingy sticking out the backside of it.
-Although… I would like to see Andy Schleck make the podium if possible. That kid’s alright in my book.
-Bradley Wiggins is riding a helluva race too. Unfortunately he’s also having to deny doping rather than being scolded for being so freaking skinny. Power to weight ratio you skeptical journalistic douchebags, it makes a difference. Just ask Jan.
-Christian Vande Velde is also riding nicely after having most of his bones broken in the Giro this year.
If the nonsensical babbling above was cerebrally tantalizing in any form whatsoever then commit yourself to the flock and join me on Twitter! I promise I will disappoint.
Okay, that’s enough. I’m freaking tired. Until the next post.