It’s no secret that I no longer have any fux to give about pro cycling. However, when I look at it purely from a non-vested interest point of view, the action still gets me tingling in the right areas. But really, do you actually care about my pelotonal feels?

I thought not. Here’s your damn GIFs, ingrates.

Screencap Recap: Milan-San Remo 2015Greg sez: “Alright Boredom, GET IT MOVING!!”

We Interrupt This Bike Race With a Series of Introspective Slo-Mo Captures Set to the Introspective Slo-Mo Score of John Tesh

Screencap Recap: Milan-San Remo 2015

Screencap Recap: Milan-San Remo 2015“Virkelig bro?”

Screencap Recap: Milan-San Remo 2015Stijn appears to run over something in the road, Sadly, turns out it’s Stybar’s chances in the race.

Screencap Recap: Milan-San Remo 2015<Imperial march theme music>

Screencap Recap: Milan-San Remo 2015Greg sez: “Alright peloton, GET IT MOVING!!”

Now Back to Our Regularly Paced Race

Screencap Recap: Milan-San Remo 2015

Screencap Recap: Milan-San Remo 2015

Screencap Recap: Milan-San Remo 2015That one time a River Plate vs Boca Juniors game broke out on the side of the road.

Screencap Recap: Milan-San Remo 2015Shit hitting the fan in a span of seconds on this stretch of road. Lots of crashes.

Screencap Recap: Milan-San Remo 2015Gilbert goes…

Screencap Recap: Milan-San Remo 2015Stybar follows. He’s absolutely flying at the moment.

Screencap Recap: Milan-San Remo 2015Like an Oss outta Hell!

Screencap Recap: Milan-San Remo 2015Okay, just one more.

Screencap Recap: Milan-San Remo 2015Moto appears to run over something in the road. Sadley, it’s Gilbert and Ciolek’s chances.

Screencap Recap: Milan-San Remo 2015HAHAHAHAHAHAHA… <deep breath> HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!

Screencap Recap: Milan-San Remo 2015Gilbert, a known entomologist, narrowly avoided a rare beetle known only to inhabit the slopes of the Poggio. Ciolek, a known entomophobic, spots the crash causing creature, quickly dispatching it.

Screencap Recap: Milan-San Remo 2015The Etixx – Quick-Step mechanic plays a prank on Gereld. He is nonplussed.

Screencap Recap: Milan-San Remo 2015Santo Paolini was a beast all day.

Screencap Recap: Milan-San Remo 2015Degenkolb calls upon the sprinting technique of his countryman, Erik “Kopfwackelfigur” Zabel.

Screencap Recap: Milan-San Remo 2015Fortunately, he doesn’t call upon Zabel’s infamous #MSR, “Oh Scheiße!!” salute.

Screencap Recap: Milan-San Remo 2015#ALLTHESALUTES

Screencap Recap: Milan-San Remo 2015Degenkolb totes posterizes Kristoff riiiiiight, there.

Video by Eurosport. And thank you, Based Cyclingtorrents.nl, for all that you do.

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