Writing De Recaap

Been sitting here watching the replay, snapping shots, and trying to decide how I was going to start this. At first I was all, WOOOOO!! TOMMEKE!!. Then, Monday, it all went south as the typical hemoglobin slinging started in earnest. Normally I wouldn’t have a problem with that, adding to the “festa di insinuation” myself. But in this case, I’ve been silently pulling for Meester Tom as he’s been going through some emasculating seasons. It’s been a pleasure to watch his resurgence. So, part of me took exception to this. Plus, seeing as I’ve reverted to an “awesome until busted” mode of interacting with cycling, it pains me to watch others wipe their ass on the sport they love. Yet, I’m also on the anti-doping side, so this back and forth in my head look very similar to Vader deciding between Luke or The Emperor.

But in a continuous GIF.

Like, forever.

Cycleboredom | Screencap Recap: Paris-Roubaix

Apparently there was a Race

Like I tweeted during the race, Boonen’s attack is gonna make this recaap soooo easy.

So, there was a break.

Cycleboredom | Screencap Recap: Paris-Roubaix - Height DopingOPQS height doping—again…

 

Cycleboredom | Screencap Recap: Paris-Roubaix - Lovely Pelotonal ViewLovely pelotonal view.

 

Cycleboredom | Screencap Recap: Paris-Roubaix - Have A Go?Old dude looks like he’s saying to his wife, “Fancy having a bit of a go at one of these boys? This one’s wounded…”

 

Cycleboredom | Screencap Recap: Paris-Roubaix - Natural BreakCaught in the natural break act!

 

Cycleboredom | Screencap Recap: Paris-Roubaix - Moar Lovely PeloMoar lovely pelo.

 

Cycleboredom | Screencap Recap: Paris-Roubaix - Chain DanceThe kasseien is a ferocious dance partner.

 

La Trouée d’Epicberg

Definitely not as selective as it’s been in the past, but as NetApp rider Grischa Janorschke demonstrates, the Arenberg trench still ain’t nothing to **** with.

Cycleboredom | Screencap Recap: Paris-Roubaix - Oh Sh**!Oh SH***********!!

 

Cycleboredom | Screencap Recap: Paris-Roubaix - Owwwwch!!Owwwwch!!

 

Cycleboredom | Screencap Recap: Paris-Roubaix - The Epicberg ForestAhhh, the Epicberg Forest. Simply conceiving the epicnicity of this secteur is epic. On the scale of epicness, from 1-10, this rates as an epic. How epic is that? I trashed three keyboards trying to write this epic caption.

 

Cycleboredom | Screencap Recap: Paris-Roubaix - No Height AdvantageThe traditional OPQS height doping has no advantage here.

 

Cycleboredom | Screencap Recap: Paris-Roubaix - Not DirkYeahhh, not Dirk. Sorry…

 

Cycleboredom | Screencap Recap: Paris-Roubaix - Boonen And ChavanelBoonen and Chavanel pretty much the ****ing kings of the peloton right here.

 

Cycleboredom | Screencap Recap: Paris-Roubaix - StonesThose OPQS Vermarc kits must be hella strong to handle Chava’s giant stone crushing stones.

 

Cycleboredom | Screencap Recap: Paris-Roubaix - Incorrect1) Incorrect 2) What’s the last thing you see before you crash?

 

Cycleboredom | Screencap Recap: Paris-Roubaix - Big Rabo!Apparently, Rabobank have also discovered the serum of exceptional height. Additionally, look at those friggin’ kasseien. Nasty.

 

Cycleboredom | Screencap Recap: Paris-Roubaix - Turgot AttacksSébastien Turgot launches one of his 127 attacks on the day. French guy, Italian bike—why not?

 

Cycleboredom | Screencap Recap: Paris-Roubaix - Oh Hai, Thor.Oh hai, Thor. You have #ompoop?

 

Cycleboredom | Screencap Recap: Paris-Roubaix - Turbo TurgotGeaux, geaux, turbo Turgot!

 

How the Race was Won™

Cycleboredom | Screencap Recap: Paris-Roubaix - Tommeke! Tommeke! Tommeke!There’s your 2012 Paris-Roubaix champion, folks. Until next year, I bid you adieu.

 

What, you need moar?

How the Race was Won™ – Moar Edition

Studying our 1000fps slow motion footage reveals the secrets of Tommeke’s nail-biting win.

Cycleboredom | Screencap Recap: Paris-Roubaix - Turgot AgainFirst, Turgot attacks.

 

Cycleboredom | Screencap Recap: Paris-Roubaix - Boonen AttacksSecond, Boonen attacks with Pippo stuck to his wheel—Ballan in the distance.

 

Cycleboredom | Screencap Recap: Paris-Roubaix - Chava FlattaSimultaneously, Chavanel punctures at the worst possible moment. Okay, maybe not the *worst* possible moment—that would be in the velodrome and losing the race.

 

Cycleboredom | Screencap Recap: Paris-Roubaix - Turgot CaughtThen Turgot, looking awfully Fabs-like, is caught by the Tommeke/Pippo train. Ballan, the ‘lil Red Caboose still trails in the distance.

 

Cycleboredom | Screencap Recap: Paris-Roubaix - Protagonistas1km down the road, and the major players are together. Pippo, Boonen, Ballan, Turgot, and Terpstra form “The Move.”

 

Cycleboredom | Screencap Recap: Paris-Roubaix - Bad DecisionNew Pippo was suddenly replaced by Old Pippo at this exact moment. Pozzato swings off to force Ballan to pull through.

 

Cycleboredom | Screencap Recap: Paris-Roubaix - The WavePippo waving Ballan through. Unfortunately, he was waving his chances through as Terpstra and Boonen start to gap. Turgot looks as though he’s thinking, “WTF?!” but in French.

 

Cycleboredom | Screencap Recap: Paris-Roubaix - Ballan's ResponseBallan resoponds with classic Italian cycling tactics—pulling through by pulling off. Just like that, the race was won.

The amount of questioning, second-guessing, and frantic wondering was staggering—and that was just from the Twitterati. Pozzato and Ballan both feared this move was from too far out, not wanting to relive the events of just a week before. Their decision to hesitate was strengthened by the collective force that was just behind them. Boonen himself looked unsure as the initial moments of “The Move” played out. But, seeing both Pozzato and Ballan marking themselves out of the race he decided to force the pace and take a chance.

Cycleboredom | Screencap Recap: Paris-Roubaix - SchleckNecking™Tommeke SchleckNecking™ to make sure he was truly seeing what he was seeing.

 

Cycleboredom | Screencap Recap: Paris-Roubaix - Terpstra CracksTerpstra cracks. Tommeke is now kop van wedstrijd.

 

Cycleboredom | Screencap Recap: Paris-Roubaix - Pippo CrashThe suckage for Pippo continued. As the chasing group chased, Pozzato crashed in a loose corner, effectively ending his day.

 

Cycleboredom | Screencap Recap: Paris-Roubaix - The CoolnessThe Coolness.

 

Cycleboredom | Screencap Recap: Paris-Roubaix - Meanwhile...Meanwhile, in Italy… Hey! Whatsamatta you?! Where’sa the New Pippo?!

 

Cycleboredom | Screencap Recap: Paris-Roubaix - SKY TrainThe chasing SKY train was powerful, but were derailed by several key factors. 1) Flecha kept sending himself off the front to disrupt their rhythm. 2) Their socks were perilously short. 3) Flecha kept se…

 

Fast Forward to the Actual Overwinnings

Cycleboredom | Screencap Recap: Paris-Roubaix - French LOLZFrench TV bringing the doping insinuation LOLZ. They so jelly.

 

Cycleboredom | Screencap Recap: Paris-Roubaix - Do Drugs KidsAight playa.

 

Cycleboredom | Screencap Recap: Paris-Roubaix - OverwinningsOverwinnings! Annnnd, we’re done.

Moar stuff happened, but this post is already too friggin’ large. I will, however, leave you with this interesting parallel:

Cycleboredom | Screencap Recap: Paris-Roubaix - Master To The ApprenticeBoonen congratulates a surprising Turgot, 10 years to the day that Museeuw did the same to a surprising young Tommeke.

 

Linx of Interest

OPQS Team Site: Episode 7: Paris-Roubaix Victory

Cyclocosm: 2012 Paris-Roubaix – How The Race Was Won™ (The Original)

Cyclingtips: 2012 Paris-Roubaix

Kristof Ramon: Paris-Roubaix 2012 Flickr Set

Jered Gruber: Paris-Roubaix 2012 Flickr Set

  • http://twitter.com/cycletard cycletard

    As I just tweeted, I #ompooped my shorts reading this! Chapeau.

  • http://cycling.norbtech.com/ norbs

    “Old dude looks like he’s saying to his wife, “Fancy having a bit of a go at one of these boys? This one’s wounded…”

    Rolled gold right there.