Disclaimer of laziness

I’ve been writing this post very slowly. Unfortunately the Tour doesn’t stop for my inability to finish a task. So this covers several days in a non-coherent, semi-babbling style. Enjoy.

Life before sport

I won’t lie, I got caught up in Stage 14 race drama like everyone else, but you have to step back and realize that none of that compares to the tragedy that transpired on the road. It’s hard to wrap your head around someone losing their life at an event like the Tour de France but it happened. It can definitely put things into perspective quickly.

The race starts. Again.

After the first week of racing and drama, the middle stretch was borderline dismal. Hooray for Cavendish. Hooray for Hushovd. Boo to the race organizers that decided that several flat stages and two mountain stages with downhill finishes were a good idea. It seemed like the race was on auto-pilot.

The 5-second rule

I tried approaching this section of the post from an objective, non-judgmental point of view. But who the **** wants any more of that? For me though, there ARE gifts in the Tour. For someone of George’s stature and tenure, a yellow flavored jersey certainly was in order.

From what I remember, Astana let the gap go every time. When Ag2r finally got their act together and started pulling the break back, they still weren’t able to close it to the point George would lose it. With a very short distance to go it looked good for Hincapie. The we saw Garmin on the front. This is were all the interpretations come into play.

Luckily the stage is over and the Tour rolled on. Unfortunately it looks like some friendships were severely damaged in the process. We’ll see how this turns out.

Two days of some old, nasty LA

Yesterday (Stage 16) and today (Stage 17) the peloton was served some nasty, crusty Lance Armstrong that he himself pulled out from the back of the fridge. Both times were from positions of tactical defensive riding in the name of the team. And both times were savage accelerations that had us all Tweeting “LAAAAAANCE!!!” as fast as our fingers could produce the message.

Today’s drama was the idiotic “attack” that the wunderkind Contador attempted. The acceleration dropped Klodi, distanced Armstrong even more, and jeopardized Astana’s possibility of having a 3-way with the podium. There were some Tweets quoting news sources that said that Contador doesn’t give a **** who comes in second or third and I completely agree. With the way that the Astana team wants Bruyneel out of the way and wants to form another team around Vino and Conty it’s possible that AC is already in that mindframe. Seems like some bad people to make enemies of. You enjoy your time in the bunch next year Contador…

Oh, and the Schleck brothers put everyone in the hurt basket including Contador. Guess that’s important to say. But you’re not here for the news though. So what would make this more interesting? That’s RIGHT! Phil Ligget said that Contador was in the middle of a Luxembourg sandwich! Brilliant.

Team _________

Which brings us to the next step of that last paragraph. Now that the Johan Bruyneel For Make Benefit Glorious Astana Cycling Team will no longer be directed by its namesake, JB has confirmed that he Lance, Levi, and “the redneck” Chris Horner will form like a spandex-clad Voltron. Or they’ll just wear spandex with some new sponsors on it and tear the arse outta the Tour next year.

Of course none of this is 100% confirmed, but we at least know that there will be a team, Lance is on it, and Lance will not ride for anyone other than Johan. We find out tomorrow who the sugar-daddy is. Hopefully someone with a decent color scheme…

UPDATE: As of 11:30 EST (7/22) it looks as though we might be cheering Team Radio Shack. Radio Shack? At least they changed their logo sorta recently. The circle ‘R’ isn’t half bad. Might look good on a jersey. White with red/black accents. Hmmmm…

Here’s hoping

What will we see in tomorrow’s TT on Stage 18? Hopefully a less-than-stellar Frank Schleck dropping big chunks of tarmac-time to Lone Star and relinquishing his shaky hold on the 3 step of the podium. That is a distinct possibility. A harder trail to follow would be an Über on-form Armstrong driving a Trek brand time-seeking missile right up the über-skinny backside of Andy Schleck reclaiming his second spot on the GC. I don’t see that happening, but stranger things have happened – and they’ve happened to(for) Lance.

We can all hope that Contador pulls a Rasmussen during the final TT. Oh wait, not THAT Rasumussen – heheh. I’m talking about the one who couldn’t stay on his TT rig on the second to last day of the Tour. You thought I was talking about the doping Rasmussen. Contador? Never…

We’ll see tomorrow!

Images courtesy of Cyclingnews.com,  AFP, and Roberto Bettini. Please don’t tell them.

El Pistolero v The Boss

“You know you done ****ed up, don’t you? You know it, don’t you? You know you done ***ed up.” – Detective in Menace II Society. I always think in movie quotes. Whether or not the scene parallels what I’m talking/writing about doesn’t matter – the words ring true. Contador ****ed up. Whether or not his attack ends up sealing his ultimate doom (yes! DOOOOOOM!) doesn’t matter. Lance is going to make his life a living hell. He is The Boss – Mr. Big. He’s got back deep like a baby seal (Wu-Tang!) and people prepared to help him when needed. Whatever happens, it certainly will be interesting to say the least. Unfortunately that’s not for nearly a week. Which brings me to…

Dear TDF stagery maker-uppers, WTF?!

The first block of stages before the rest day were full of spicy goodness like a Chipotle Moe’s Burrito! Well except for the last two “MOUNTAIN” stages. I’ve always felt that crossing mountains only to have the finish in the valley below to be a waste of a good mountain (unless of course Beloki is in the race!). This year we’ve had two and they came back to back! This effectively quieted all the great race intrigue of the first week and nulled the GC contest to a few futile attacks and absurdities.

Unfortunately we have to endure nearly a week of sprinting/escaping until the freaking 15th stage for any truly shattering GC changes. They decided to have two crappy eunich-style mountain stages followed by blah. Although stage 13 seems to have some balls to it considering the summit of the last climb comes relatively close to the end of the stage. That crap on stage 9 of having the summit nearly at the halfway point of the stage needs to never, ever happen again. Ever.

Leave Phil alone!

After reading several Tweets, and a bit by one of my favorite Tour posts so far by Competitive Cyclist re: Phill Ligget I just have to say – back off! Of course I have a soft-spot for him and Paul Sherwen since they’ve been the voice of the Tour for so long. It’s a comfort to hear these guys talk about cycling when you compare them to the others out there. Although it sounds like David Harmon and the loquaciously effervescent Sean Kelly are giving them a run for their Euros. No one can match the Phil and Paul show for their sayings! You can usually predict when they’re about to spout one out. You could even make a game out of it.

Phil is forgetting some riders, and miss-naming others, but there’s two things that make this a non-issue for me. One, everyone’s coverage makes mistakes. From the online text coverage to the color commentary, these people have to make quick calls on 190 riders at the start of Le Tour. And two, these 190 riders are all wearing helmets and sunglasses! Which means you have to make snap judgement calls using size, riding style, and vaguely visible attributes to dicern their identity while flying along at 30+ mph. This usually happens mid-stage when NOTHING OF IMPORTANCE HAPPENS (at least any more)! A missed call on a sprint bonus? Chill the **** out! They’ll get it to you in a minute. Very rarely is a bunch sprint miscalled and Paul usually catches it anyway. Those two got each other’s backs. Rant over.

Versus coverage…

Oh dear lord of god there are a lot of commercials. But between them comes the ****ing TOUR DAY FRANCE! You don’t see anyone else scrambling to cover our beloved spandex-fest do you? That pretty much rests my case.

Oh, and speaking of the Tour Day France Bob “Bobke” Roll is the man! How could you hate listening to a wordsmith who gives birth to phrases like: “Lance Armstrong is the eye of the hurricane and he’s headed straight for the Jan Ullrich trailer park!” Sweet, sweet genius.

Then there’s the race for 4th!

My prediction (which I already boldy Tweeted) is that the podium will have Contador, Armstrong, and Leipheimer on it, just not necessarily in that order. That Astana team is too powerful not to dominate at least the top two if not all three podium steps. The rest of the team will be in up there as well, but they’ll have to stand on that fake-yellow-jersey-brick-road-thingy sticking out the backside of it.

-Although… I would like to see Andy Schleck make the podium if possible. That kid’s alright in my book.
-Bradley Wiggins is riding a helluva race too. Unfortunately he’s also having to deny doping rather than being scolded for being so freaking skinny. Power to weight ratio you skeptical journalistic douchebags, it makes a difference. Just ask Jan.
-Christian Vande Velde is also riding nicely after having most of his bones broken in the Giro this year.

And finally…

If the nonsensical babbling above was cerebrally tantalizing in any form whatsoever then commit yourself to the flock and join me on Twitter! I promise I will disappoint.

Okay, that’s enough. I’m freaking tired. Until the next post.

Everyone slotted in where we all thought they would before the stage started. Cancellera p0wnd Menchov which is hilarious to conceive. A recent grand tour GC overall as well as final time trial winner getting his tour handed to him on the first day. Guessing that Denis couldn’t find another centrifuge in time! (jokes people, just jokes.) Astana Vinokourov’s Baby showed that they’re the strongest team on the earth in any sport. Proof positive is Klodi posterizing Kobe on a pickup game post stage still wearing his TT helmet and kit. Kobe was overheard later bitching that Klodi’s TT helmet gave him an unfair flight advantage. Whatevs Kobe, your ringz is wearing you down.

I haven’t found, nor have I been looking especially hard, any articles wonder why Lance isn’t winning the Tour. Maybe the American public is finally getting it that the Tour de France actually takes place over a period of several weeks. Or they don’t care. One of the two.

Anyway, it’s started and I’m excited. Let’s see if Astana can keep it together long enough to take all 3 podium spots. Or will they split into two seperate teams on the road to Paris?