At first I was like, “OMG, it’s so fuggin’ early. But, OMG, I’m so fuggin’ excited—IT’S LE TOUR, BABY!!” Then I was all, “WTF, I’ve had two espressos, eaten breakfast, posted some doping links, tweeted about Cuddles whipping it out on the side of the road AND THERE’S STILL OVER 120KM TO GO?!?”

Peloton was a bit wigged out too. Nearly caught the break by accident—in the feed zone. BROLOTON, DO YOU EVEN MANAGE BREAKS?!

Break was let go, again—status quo. Then it was time for the secondary status quo—ALL THE MERDE HITTING THE FUGGIN FAN. And by MERDE, I mean BUS. And by FUGGIN’ FAN, I mean FINISH LINE SUPERSTRUCTURE.

Orica-GreenEDGE You Got A Big ‘Ol Bus, Won’tchu Back That Thing Up

Tour Microdose: #TDZzzzzzzzzzWTF?!
Source: @cyclingtips


Source: Yahoo! Sports/Doug Pensigner/Getty Images

Meanwhile, Back In The Bunch…

Tour Microdose: #TDZzzzzzzzzzWTF?!
Source: Steephill.tv/Reuters

That’s all I got time for.